@jjhartinger: I'm curious about the first person who saw an egg drop out of a chicken & said, "I'm going to eat that."

@mydmac: When I get naked in front of a man for the first time I never do it slowly and seductively, that would just give him time to get away.

@Browtweaten: Me: *Unveils tray of brownies* Neighbor: I said to bring a salad Me: Salad is a colloquialism for brownies in my home Neighbor: I don't know that word Me: It means 'house'

@iRowlf: I'm wearing a shower curtain over my head and pretending to be a ghost. I probably look legit because everybody on this bus is avoiding me.

@Yung40Ounce: *Gets pulled over by cop* "Papers?" "Scissors" *Cop removes glasses* "Rocks?" *Both start successful trap house*