@omgthatspunny: the english language

@SarahR_82: That awkward moment when u lock binoculars with your neighbor.

@Jandalize: Autocorrect changed 'get a life' to 'get a wife' and now my daughter is a lesbian.

@SteevUmc: The best things in life are free. Stealing is awesome.

@Home_Halfway: I once went to a party with 10% battery life on my phone so you can shut the hell up about your "scary" battle at Normandy, grandpa.