@ch000ch: [ouija board] hi grandma, i hope your in heaven and i love you
@hpb777: Me: *texts* How'd you sleep?
Him: *texts* Horrible...I was tossing and turn-
Me: *crawls out from under his bed* I KNOW, YOU POOR THING.
@daemonic3: To whoever has my voodoo doll, can you stop making me stare at my phone all day? This isn't funny. I just want to live life again.
@trentistweeting: [feeding baby]
Here comes the plane!
*baby swallows food*
wow you just ate everyone on board. way to go you little jerk
@tarashoe: if i were a cab driver, i'd scream "ROAD TRIP" every time i got a passenger
@Michael_Erhart: Every time you push the potato button on your microwave, a potato appears in someone else's microwave.