@ch000ch: [ouija board] hi grandma, i hope your in heaven and i love you
@AmishPornStar1: The Shining is my favorite Christmas movie about enjoying quality time with the family when you’re snowed in.
@liv_thatsme: If I get nervous for a date, I just imagine the guy in his underpants, sitting on my couch for the next 40 years, & suddenly I'm annoyed
@naughtygeisha3: Men say they love Asian women but every time I fry up a new boyfriend's cat or dog it's like all the appreciation goes out the window.
@KKAlThani: Kids are fun to be around. Then they start kicking, screaming, drooling, crying, fighting and then you're just grateful they're not yours.
@Adam14: A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease.