@SuperTeeWhy: Ouija board just told me it's still waiting on a grandbaby and I was like lol Mom when did you die
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@SondraDeeMe: [mattress store interview] "What would you bring to this job?" A blanket, some cheetos, wrinkle cream, probably a television.
@Ndeshi_M: I told all my colleagues at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I don't have to talk to them.
@DanMentos: FUN PRANK: when a stranger hands you their phone to take a picture of their family, take a selfie instead and also steal their phone