@sfreeze6: Ouija boards are officially obsolete, now that the dead can read messages addressed to them on Facebook.
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@rachelle_mandik: i'm torn between getting my own personal jesus or getting a large jesus to share with the whole table
@imadepoopstoday: [job interview] "We feel that you just aren't quite mature enough for the position." It's the Velcro shoes, isn't it. "...yes."
@CrystalMoon214: About to go out and make some foreign dude's night by butchering the pronunciation of the food I'll be ordering.
@Marlebean: Kid: What's this? Me: A napkin holder K: What's a napkin? M: You wipe your hands on it when they're dirty K: You mean like the couch? M: ...