@sfreeze6: Ouija boards are officially obsolete, now that the dead can read messages addressed to them on Facebook.
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@inmynewskin: Losing weight to be attractive is weird. I see you shrunk your body slightly. Now I want you.
@MelvinofYork: Me: Liar, liar, pants on fire! Nose as long as a telephone wire! Daughter: A telephone WHAT? Me: Wire. Daughter: That doesn’t make sense.
@hammbone84: [On phone with Pizza Hut] Me: I texted my order 4 hrs ago! PH: Are you sure you didn't tweet it...again? Me: PH: Sir? Me: K. Love you. Bye.