@noogscorner: Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
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@_davidlucas_: Me: How are you? Co-worker: *Gives 20 minute dissertation on their gastro infection*
@Darlainky: Kids today will never know the joy of being selected to go outside to dust the erasers.
@Brianhopecomedy: I'm watching my 4 year old son give my 1 year old a hammer. He is so irresponsible.
@Mikecanrant: I dropped out of law school when I found out that badgering the witness has nothing to do with throwing woodland creatures at defendants.