@krishna_van: Our dishwasher works exceedingly well, as long as you only put clean dishes in it.
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@AndyAsAdjective: A lot of people ask me "why do you lie about the high number of people asking you things?"
@Kyle_Lippert: A college girl sends a text to her BF who doesn't respond "Could this night get any worse?" unaware that an alien fleet approaches earth
@PaperWash: GF: every time we fight you start interpretive dancing *i dance beautifully for 12 minutes* GF: I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
@Where__wolf: "Dad Is that a killer whale?" "No son thats an orca" "Oh. Well what's a killer whale?" "U see that whale that's covered n tats & smokin weed