@ComedicBust: Our eyes met. Our hearts touched. He was the one. We fell in love. He used a flash mob to propose. I'm single now.
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@NoticablyBacon: Theres a dating website for people that believe the government is ran by lizard people so I really have no excuse for being single
@Reverend_Scott: Dog 911: what's ur emer- Dog: MY HUMAN IS TALKING TO ME Dog 911: so? Dog: THEN HE ANSWERS FOR ME IN A WEIRD VOICE Dog 911: OMG Dog: OMG
@ItsAndyRyan: "Everyone has at least one novel inside them" – Baffled airport security rectal examiner at the end of a long, confusing shift