@KentWGraham: Our forefathers fought against British rule so anyone can become president. For the first time in 240 years, we’re regretting that decision.
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: [taking communion at church] I'm a recovering alcoholic do you have any actual blood?
@heatherlou_: Having one bathroom in your house teaches you that it is possible to hate a person because of a bathroom.
@magsaidwhat: In the new version of Star Wars, Harrison Ford slowly flies the Millenium Falcon in the left lane with the turn signal on