@KentWGraham: Our forefathers fought against British rule so anyone can become president. For the first time in 240 years, we’re regretting that decision.
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@Underchilde: You think you’re not capable of violence, but then a bird sings at 6AM and you start researching surface-to-air missiles.
@JermHimselfish: My doctor had to put me on a new medication that's supposed to help lower the amount of karate in my blood
@ComedicBust: Our eyes met. Our hearts touched. He was the one. We fell in love. He used a flash mob to propose. I'm single now.