@Abfablee: Our gold fish jumped out of his tank and the dog ate it.....I feel like there is a life lesson here but don't know what it is.
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@Hobo_Splendido: Sorry, there's a technical problem preventing me from RTing your tweets. Technically they're not funny.
@hashtagyolo11: BOSS: you're an hour late GUY WHO'S ABOUT TO INVENT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: oh you haven't heard?
@electrolemon: scarlet joe hanson sounds like an old timey boxer's name. "weighin' in at 182 lbs, 5'9", the ol' black widow, scarlet jooooooe hansen!"
@therepoguy: My dog really needs to learn how to drive a stick because what good is fetching one bottle of vodka.