@hazelmotes1: Our Mexican neighbor made us dinner and it tastes like I committed a grave error in marrying a white girl.
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@1NTERCEPTOR_: When they were saying "we will find a good home for him" I thought they were talking about the dog,I didn't know they were talking about me!
@joci2203: Him: How many glasses of wine have you had today? Me: One, but it was in the shape of a giant bottle.
@bananainches: Guys, I just got myself a new liquor cabinet! The salesperson keeps calling it a 3 bedroom house for some reason. but its a liquor cabinet.