@hazelmotes1: Our Mexican neighbor made us dinner and it tastes like I committed a grave error in marrying a white girl.
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@Scimommy: Overheard 10 plan her b-day party with her BFF, including renting several hotel rooms for a mega sleepover. Somebody tell her, I can't.
@maisonwithapen: ME: hey guys what's the herps? HIM: u mean haps? M: oh, haha yea. what's the itch?—I mean sitch H: uh M: hows it herpin? H: M: I have herpes
@KenJennings: Once my son was shooting nerfguns @ the clock &when I asked why said "bc time killed the dinosaurs." My kids are never leaving home are they