@meganamram: Our scariest president was probably Rushmore, because he had four heads
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@Marlebean: "If I wanted to see a clown, I would have gone to the circus." What I actually said: "Yes, Claire, you're makeup looks lovely today!"
@Mike_Bianchi: Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop.