@RandomAntics: Our society makes women ashamed and unhappy with their bodies. I, for one, have always been disappointed by the lack of cupholders on mine.
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@TheToddWilliams: [robbery] ROBBER: Give me all your money! ME: I don't have it all with me. ROBBER: Dang!
@jctsmileyone: No YOU let your kid think he could turn the traffic lights green with his mind powers until he was 10 yrs old!
@Jesssicle: Eating a cucumber would be the 2nd worst way to discover that you are allergic to cucumbers.
@Quartzjixler: Her: Is breakfast almost ready? Me: Yeah, I just have to drain the sausage. Her: Can't we please wait till after breakfast for that?