@RandomAntics: Our society makes women ashamed and unhappy with their bodies. I, for one, have always been disappointed by the lack of cupholders on mine.
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@_ElvishPresley_: [Thanksgiving] ME: hey dad will ya pass the peas DAD: say please ME: hey dad will ya pass the please DAD: *tears up so hard*
@CarpentersCrack: I date waitresses so I can ask them if everything is ok when their mouth is full.
@markydoodoo: [GOD INVENTING MUSHROOMS] GOD: most of them are fine ANGEL: what about the ones that aren't? God: you get high or... you DIE Angel: dude