@iinkedZombie: Our son attempted to explain to his little sister why his mom and I are married, so he told her, "Daddy was the only boy who liked mommy!"
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@KentWGraham: The movie scene where discarded clothes lead to lovers in bed, except it’s my clothes leading to my wife picking them up and cursing me.
@Rollinintheseat: I use a wheelchair. When I’m at a job interview and they ask me what my biggest weakness is, I want to say “Leg day at the gym.”
@QwertyJones3: "Welcome to another meeting of Horse Club. Let's try to actually get something done today. All in favor?" Crowd: "NEIGH!" "Jesus Christ."