@fatherofcomedy: Our wedding pic looks like my wife's selfie photo bombed by me.
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@mortimermaiden: Me: Wanna take this upstairs? Her: Mhm, but you should know it's my first time Me: Don't worry, upstairs is like the downstairs, just higher
@marebytes: Hey people who design vacuums- Why the headlight? Are people vacuuming in the dark? or riding them on the freeway & I just havent seen?
@TheTweetOfGod: CNN just wondered if I'm sending disasters to punish you for your sins. No, I'm sending them to punish you for CNN.