@Sassafrantz: Out of all the children's stories, Goldilocks is the most ridiculous. How's someone just gonna fall asleep while committing a felony? smh
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@amethystxmatt: turns out skrillexs music has healing properties: during a concert, a paralysed boy stood up and left
@matt___nelson: CHINA: how can we fix our economic problems??? GERMANY: how do we reestablish our engineering reputation??? USA: OH MY GOD RAT WITH A PIZZA
@aveuaskew: Keep salespeople from pestering you by asking what type of saw can cut through bone and sinew the quickest.
@NickMotown: I'm sure there'll be some making distasteful jokes about Williams' death. How annoying for them that he would have thought of funnier ones.