@Sassafrantz: Out of all the children's stories, Goldilocks is the most ridiculous. How's someone just gonna fall asleep while committing a felony? smh
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@jwoodham: Backseat drivers are the worst. They're always like "the light is red!" and "don't text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"
@Matt_The_1st: "What's wrong with our country?" OBAMA! "Who are we going to reelect in 2012?" OBAMA!
@littlekitnerboy: If there's one thing that Twitter has taught me its that all the weird kids in school eventually find each other.
@truegritrumble: ME: *holding my crying newborn son* There. There. I ALSO find myself very upsetting.