@SummerRay: Out of embarrassment, I just told a train passenger I'm crying cos my bf dumped me. Real reason is I'm listening to the Lion King soundtrack
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@briangaar: ELMO WANT BIG HUG!!! ELMO WANT KIDS TO KNOW THAT JET FUEL COULDN'T POSSIBLY MELT STRUCTURAL STEEL
@writerPT: 5yo: OMG I'M STARVING I NEED TO EAT I'M GONNA DIIIIIEE!! *eats 3 fries* 5yo: Can I be done?
@_davidlucas_: The shortest distance between two points is over a cyclist. ~Australian drivers, apparently.
@WilliamAder: I've been hearing noises in the house for a while now and while Twitter was down last night I discovered I have a wife!