@ericonederful: Out with the cat for a walk. We are still at my doorstep. It's been 15 minutes.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@withanewname: "Honey, it's time we talk to him about the roaches & the fleas" "You mean the birds & the bees?" "DEAR GOD WOMAN HAVE YOU SEEN HIS ROOM!"
@Sarcasticsapien: I'm not saying I'm antisocial, but even when someone asks me how I'm doing I just tell them to Google it.
@QwertyJones3: [Sci fi movie] How did you travel such a distance so fast? "I went through a wormhole." Worms in the audience: Omg this is so unrealistic.
@TheHyyyype: CASHIER: what, no tip? ME: here's a tip: always wear a seat belt CASHIER: no, i meant money ME: oh sorry. invest in a 401(k)