@donni: Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, though, it's every man for himself
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@SergioValenCo: I don't tweet about my boss because I don't wanna be a suspect when he disappears.
@LoveNLunchmeat: upon my death: 1. tell my kids I loved them 2. give my daughter my jewelry 3. leave french fries in my coffin, just in case
@mjkspeaks: [job interview] How did you lose your last job? "I quit because I wanted a career with a bright future." Sir, this is McDonald's.