@donni: Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, though, it's every man for himself
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@tehaveragejoel: make your life more efficient by cutting out the middle man. quit your job. kill your friends. throw your food directly into the toilet.
@WittySassBasket: I held up a fist for a CW to bump and she kissed my ring. I am now drunk on power and no one is allowed to make eye contact.
@noog: *opens facebook messenger* *sips mtn dew twice* *strokes neckbeard* *begins typing* Sorry abt ur mom dying Tis a shame Btw ur attractive
@juliussharpe: I like to pretend I'm on "American Idol" by holding a piece of paper with a number on it and running out of a room like an idiot.