@donni: Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, though, it's every man for himself
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@peb671: Untied the bun in my hair & tried that sexy hair shake thing that chicks do on tv. Doc says the neck brace can come off in a week.
@MatCro: ME: I want the car's brake lines to rust SCIENTIST: I'm listening ME: [slides over envelope full of cash] But make it look like an oxidant
@TarzanFeathers: Sperm can live inside a woman for like 2 weeks. Nine months if things go really wrong.
@therealeatwood: [Biker gang] ME: Do we or do we not ride our bikes at the same speed? BIKER: OK, but you need to stop saying we “synchronize our cycles.”