@donni: Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog, though, it's every man for himself
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@david8hughes: [date] Me: you wanna see what desserts they have? Wife: how about we go home & I'll let you- Me [calls waiter]: what desserts do u have?
@SardonicTart: I'm glad my office has this giant shredder because otherwise I don't know what I'd do with all this work.
@LOsepyan: If those Amazon drones can really get to your house in 30 minutes then condoms are about to become their #1 selling item.