@MissBamantha: Overheard a girl just say she's full because she ate at 3:00. It's 6:00. How can you stay full for THREE HOURS, alien?
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@PaperWash: "Wow, it smells like *sniff* wait what the?" *Rips blind fold off and sees house burning down* "Omg!" Narrator: The power of Febreeze
@lovemydogduck: Dear Santa, My ex was very naughty this year. But I was very good. So you can just send me all his presents.
@notacroc: DOCTOR: what were you thinking? He had a sword. ME: *bleeding everywhere, clutching my favorite pen* that's not how it's supposed to work