@Goofpoops: In case you were wondering, Taco Bell offers free wi-fi. Don't bother asking for the password, because it's totally "Cornhole Explosion".

@UnfilteredMama: It’s too bad my sister wasn’t kinder to me in middle school. **orders nephew a bullhorn for Christmas**

@sip_at_home_mom: I always hated videos of animals being shot with tranquilizer darts to trap and transport them. Now, I'm calculating the toddler dosage.

@TheAlexP: [trapped under avalanche of Tupperware that fell on me from kitchen cabinet] *updates social media with selfie* Bring food, No weirdos.

@Thedudish: To make a mistake is human. To admit a mistake is stupid.