@LeviathanPride: Overheard this locker room convo: "The new school janitor is weird. He's always hiding in here when we're showering". I took my mop and left
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@KeetPotato: [tortoise arguing with his gf] "FINE IM LEAVING" FINE [6 minutes later] are you going or not? "THIS IS AS FAST AS I CAN GO KAREN"
@marcmack: I live in fear that one day the real "World's Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
@AmnesiaRose: *knocks over the 17 Starbucks cups on her nightstand *answers her alarm clock, "hello?"
@caperbc75: First off I want to commend you for taking part in credit counselling. Now, under assets you wrote "like an onion". Can you clarify?