@samalmightysam: Overweight people know they're overweight, tall people know they're tall, why is it that stupid people don't know what they are?
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@Dutch_50: My One A Day multivitamins actually have directions on the bottle - "Take one multivitamin daily." Hmmm
@flashember: [Zoo, bird show] "Millions of years of evolution have made these ancient raptors into graceful sky gods." *bird headbutts window 50 times*
@whosnutstoo: Your heart beats faster, your knees go weak, you start to sweat. Is this love? No you're probably hypoglycemic
@Mr_Kapowski: Travel Agent: Hello sir! Interested in a vacation? Me: *puts cat on the phone* [20 mins later] Travel Agent: I've got you booked for Maui