@claytatum: Owls are just nocturnal pug birds
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@danorslim: Me: You wanna have sex tonight? GF: I'm not in the mood babe. Me: Hold on a second. I'm on the phone.
@squirrel74wkgn: Half way through the movie, I brought some popcorn downstairs for the kids & realized I rented the wrong Black Stallion DVD.
@Tommytoughstuff: *gets pulled over by police* *shows a little skin* Officer: "Who's skin is that? Please step out of the vehicle sir."