@hunz74: Owls are like scary Mr. Potato Heads that fly.
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@radtoria: amazing how folks can pinpoint the subtle floral undertones in a glass of wine while i'm like "yo, is there mustard on this grilled cheese?"
@jordan_stratton: GOD: Eyelashes ANGEL: What do they do? GOD: Protect eyes ANGEL: And? GOD: Get into people's eyes. It's extremely painful. ANGEL: Are you ok?
@GiantsofDiving: Does everyone get take 'by mouth' printed on their pills or did the pharmacist look me over and think hmm...this guy might go the other way?
@SuicideBooth1: [couples therapy] Mrs: he's too handsy, always touching me all over... Mr: [who is an octopus] I CANT HELP IT LINDA IM LIKE 90% HANDS...