@hunz74: Owls are like scary Mr. Potato Heads that fly.
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@sixfootcandy: *puts powdered sugar around my nostrils and walks into blind date set up by my mom*
@TheBoydP: *wonders if any of my friends snorted tide when I was a teen since we didn’t have tide pods*
@awkwardphilippe: [during sex] HER: this isn't working out ME: *putting sock puppet away* was it something he said?
@fraservalleyjay: Sometimes for fun I like to pick up hitchhikers. When they open the door I say "Hey! Sorry I'm late."