@hunz74: Owls are like scary Mr. Potato Heads that fly.
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@shutupmikeginn: A tall guy in movie theater just sat in front of me and he's on a date so he's going to have good posture the whole time this sucks
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: The cupboard keeps opening HANDYMAN: I see why M: Ghosts? H: ...This screw's loose M: Right... But where would ghosts get a screwdriver?
@WilliamRodgers: I'm not sure which is worse: People who force their religion on you... Or Anyone who's ever said "Oh it's because I'm a Virgo."
@Marlebean: Him: Your body is like poetry Me: That's so nice! H: A haiku M:.. H: Little on the top, big in the middle, little on the bottom M: Just stop