@hipchkk: Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone.
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@DirtMcTurd: Just ate the last slice of pizza and I wish there was more. Suddenly all of Taylor Swifts songs make sense to me.
@bazlyons: Turns out when you're asked who your favourite child is you're expected to pick from your own.
@d_duhwit: Judge:"Since we can't prove who's baby it is we will ... cut the baby in half Worm Mom 1:"Sure Worm Mom 2 :"Ya do it.
@jeffswarens: Talking on your cell during church isn't good, but if you use blue tooth hands free they just think you've got the spirit.