@hipchkk: Packing my daughter's prom kit...lip gloss, stun gun, pepper spray, switchblade, and I've uploaded all 5 seasons of Teen Mom to her iPhone.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 5-year-old: Can I borrow a dollar? Me: You don't have a job. How will you pay me back? 5: Me: 5: I'll borrow another dollar.
@Tmoney68: [2 T-Rex's getting drunk] "I'm wasted." "Me too. You know how bad?" "Don't say it again." "I can't feel my face." "Goddammit, Kevin."
@KyleMcDowell86: [Sees girl watching Star Wars] "Oh I love that movie, the way" *starts to sweat* "All those stars are at war with each other"
@Reverend_Scott: If someone is better at something than you, learn from them, let them teach you, or bathe in their blood so you can absorb their power.