Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@surasshu: O M G. i had to screenshot this before CNN deletes their tweet 😂😂😂

@Angibangie: Ghost haunting my house: Okay, I'm just going to clean up your TINY, SHITTY, Apartment while you're gone because I can't not-live like this!

@G_Faylor: [getting moidered]
is this because i'm from new joisey?

@geowizzacist: I'm just a regular guy going for a regular jog with a regular plasma TV being chased by the regular police.

@LostInAisle3: It never fails: whenever I'm at a crime scene, analyzing blood splatter and bullet trajectories, someone always assumes I'm a CSI.

@ShortSleeveSuit: Me: *sigh* I've had so many shellfish lovers

Doctor: You mean selfish?

[30 crabs come out of my pants]

Doctor: Haha here's some cream

@whimsik_l: *sends nudes*

Him: omg you showered!

@WheelTod: It's amazing how little sleep you can survive on, just by eating right, cutting out alcohol & sharing a bedroom with a vengeful poltergeist.

@WheelTod: [First Date]

Her: Sorry, but your profile pic was misleading.

Oatmeal Raisin Cookie: I never *said* this was chocolate. You just *assumed*

@mattZillaaaa: It's painful when you lose an ex. It's even more painful when they come back.