Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@CatalystNB: 14 year olds be talkin bout "im a dom," son the only thing u should be dominating is that geometry test tomorrow get studying
@Birdhumms: My phone keeps sending me a message telling me moisture has been detected in my usb port, I think it might be flirting with me
@FU_TangClan: Mufasa: my son, present your first antelope kill
Simba: *hiding cantaloupe behind his back* my what now
Scar: *whispering* lmao I’m the lyin’ king
@Havish_AF: Stop flattering yourself.
I'm not subtweeting you.
Ok, i am right now, but i wasn't before.
@nicky_prada: Doctor: "Are you sexually active?"
Me: "I'm not even physically active"
@UncleDuke1969: “It’s-a me... Where’s-a Thanos?”
@CAshmanActor: ‘can you smell what the Lord is cookin?’
- Christian Rock
@brianbowman73: Them: You seem nice.
Me: Really? Try driving slowly in front of me.
@mindflakes: The key to any successful relationship is to prevent your partner from being carried away by a large bird
@tweetsbyrocket: me: someone we know is possessed by an owl
me: [narrows eyes]