Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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@tweetsbyrocket: me: see the wrist strap stops you from dropping the wiimote

voldemort: this is brilliant

[later]

harry potter: expelliarmus!

voldemort: [wand dangling from wrist] lmao nice try

@peytnhaag: my roommate broke up with his girlfriend last night at a fancy restaurant and she started bawling.... everyone thought he proposed to her and started clapping.

@thedad: [commercial for babies]

*camera pans to a couple sleeping peacefully*

Narrator: don’t you hate this?

@MichaelTrying: Worst day ever. Accidentally touched a Magic Eraser and now I’m a muggle.

@pittdave13: As an adult you should already know shit like if you’re standing in the rain you should wear a rain coat and if you’re standing in a trench, you should wear a trench coat

@junejuly12: Turns out 83% of parenting is finding their shoes every morning.

@UnFitz: Who called it anxiety and not revenge of the nerves?

@ankles_so_weak: [in hell]

me: *sad* why am I here?

satan: you're a murderer

me: what? no I'm not

satan: oh no? *rolls footage of my 3rd grade dance recital* you absolutely SLAYED, guuuuuuurl

me: *blushing* aww