Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

@CatalystNB: 14 year olds be talkin bout "im a dom," son the only thing u should be dominating is that geometry test tomorrow get studying

@Birdhumms: My phone keeps sending me a message telling me moisture has been detected in my usb port, I think it might be flirting with me

@FU_TangClan: Mufasa: my son, present your first antelope kill

Simba: *hiding cantaloupe behind his back* my what now

Scar: *whispering* lmao I’m the lyin’ king

@Havish_AF: Stop flattering yourself.
I'm not subtweeting you.
Ok, i am right now, but i wasn't before.

@nicky_prada: Doctor: "Are you sexually active?"

Me: "I'm not even physically active"

@CAshmanActor: ‘can you smell what the Lord is cookin?’

- Christian Rock

@brianbowman73: Them: You seem nice.

Me: Really? Try driving slowly in front of me.

@mindflakes: The key to any successful relationship is to prevent your partner from being carried away by a large bird

@tweetsbyrocket: me: someone we know is possessed by an owl

friend: who?

me: [narrows eyes]