@panmidwest: I was going to pay the taxi driver with my leftovers from lunch but that wouldn't be fare to him
@Darlainky: Grim Reaper: You know why I'm here.
Me: Heavy drinking? Unhealthy diet? Texting and driving?
GR: You should've forwarded that chain email.
@WordUpBitch: The second I feel pressured to do something, I'm out of there faster than a dog who hears his name and knows it's bath time.
@IamEveryDayPpl: "Liquor in the front, poker in the back" is not an acceptable tee shirt slogan for my church's charity poker team...
I know that now.
@ninjadinosaur1: The priest said that the demon really wants to leave, but I'm way too clingy, so the exorcism didn't work.
@MarfSalvador: Me: Forgive me father I have sinned
Priest: Get out of my house
M: But it's a big sin
P: *sigh* Speak child
M: I broke into your house
@the_gramble: Coworker: Do you have good taste in music?
Me: I can only taste things I put in my mouth
Both of us thinking: I work with an idiot