@WilliamAder: My cat didn't get me a Father's Day card and things are a little tense around here right now.
@Marcmywords2: Once I was napping & 5yo daughter
dropped her Barbie Car on my face,
she explained it tho, she said
"sorry dad, I thought you were asleep".
@DaddyJew: Wife: how did you get all of these groceries so cheap?
Husband: I just used the buy one get one free line
Wife: you mean the self check out line?
Husband: I think we need to move
@skickwriter: Five Guys cashier: I'm sorry sir, we actually just ran out of buns. Would you still like to order?
Anaconda: I don't want none, hon.
@ArfMeasures: Wife: The kids made you these cakes for Father's Day! What do you think of them?
Me: They're awful. But at least they made me these cakes
@Shen_the_Bird: co-worker: kinda weird how batman takes a kid out at night to punch felons
bruce wayne: [across the room] i dunno kinda sounds like you guys are just making it weird