Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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@FattMernandez: A giant rabbit died on a United flight. One man is suspected of foul play. We tried to reach him for comment but he's being vewy vewy quiet.

@thenatewolf: HER: it's so romantic when the power goes out

ME: listen if we don't eat all this ground beef we'll have to throw it out

@AimeeHelene1: My diet plan consists of multiple naps.

Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.

@VeryLonelyLuke: Me: You must train hard to beat Kylo Ren.

Rey: I already beat him once with literally no training.

Me:

Rey: Look. I still have two hands.

@kenradio: No one deals with rejection more than Internet Explorer requesting to be your default browser..

@Jdxthompson: When I say "the other day" it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth

@Dutch_50: So, wearing fur is wrong but wearing a Hawaiian shirt is OK? Do they even know how many Hawaiians had to die to make that shirt?

@chuuew: [invention of surfing]

"Stand on this wood so sharks don't eat you"