Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@FattMernandez: A giant rabbit died on a United flight. One man is suspected of foul play. We tried to reach him for comment but he's being vewy vewy quiet.
@thenatewolf: HER: it's so romantic when the power goes out
ME: listen if we don't eat all this ground beef we'll have to throw it out
@AimeeHelene1: My diet plan consists of multiple naps.
Because you can't stuff your face when you're sleeping.
@VeryLonelyLuke: Me: You must train hard to beat Kylo Ren.
Rey: I already beat him once with literally no training.
Rey: Look. I still have two hands.
@kenradio: No one deals with rejection more than Internet Explorer requesting to be your default browser..
@Jdxthompson: When I say "the other day" it can be anytime between yesterday and my birth
@Dutch_50: So, wearing fur is wrong but wearing a Hawaiian shirt is OK? Do they even know how many Hawaiians had to die to make that shirt?
@chuuew: [invention of surfing]
"Stand on this wood so sharks don't eat you"