@AndyAsAdjective: KID IN THE BACKSEAT: how much longer do we have to drive?
BON JOVI DAD: oh…we're halfway there…
@Mom_Overboard: Me: Dare me to find out how many Reese's peanut butter cups can fit in my mouth?!
Date: What's happening right n-
Me: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!
@Brampersandon_: MOM: dont lie. The man upstairs is always watching
ME: ok mom
FRANK FROM 4B (watching on his hidden camera): how the hell did she know that
@thestlouisan: -Crowded Restaurant-
Me: Table for four, please.
Me: Now, to get married & have two kids...
@offbeatoliv: Robert Downey Jr. will always be my hero, not because of Iron Man, but because he broke into someone's home just to take a nap.
@TheAlexP: [Riding carousel]
Her: um, we should move on
Me: *drunkenly trying to feed horse sugar packets* hold on, he just needs to get used to me.
@BCMontgo: Me: I'll definitely do it tomorrow.
Morgan Freeman: He wouldn't.
Me: *chasing Morgan out of my house with broom* Why are you here again?
@seamussaid: when my daughter is mad she points at me and delivers what I can only assume is a gypsy curse
@TheCatWhisprer: [fancy restaurant]
HOST: uh sir, no outside food or drink is allowed
ME: this is my service chalupa
@joeljeffrey: If I was a sniper, I'd probably spend most of my time looking for cats and making them chase my rifle laser pointer from 2 miles away.