Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@QwertyJones3: We need a name for our store that shows we're on the cutting edge of technology.
"How about Radio Shack?"
@iLikeCatShirts: Zac meets Ron
Zac dates Ron
Zac takes Ron home
@ofentseprokid: I stopped using a CONDOM after NIVEA started offering 48 Hours protection
Why protect myself Twice?😕😒
@vornietom: People who say "don't hate the player hate the game" are working under the wildly false assumption that I am unable to hate 2 things at once
@wolfpupy: [david attenborough voice] wolves, also known as nature's best animal, have been cool for hundreds of thousands of years
@fro_vo: i had to discipline my pet rock
so yes i have hit rock bottom
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I was buying ice cream, Pop Tarts and mayonnaise. She had organic vegetables & Kombucha.
The check stand divider was mostly symbolic.
@ShesARealGenius: Him, sweaty from working out: Hey, babe, c'mere
Me: Don't come any closer while you still have activity juice all over you
@iGreenMonk: Once upon a time, a horse & a giraffe met & fell in love.
Going against all the odds, they got married & that's how we have camels.
@LoveNLunchmeat: Yesterday my daughter asked how babies are made, and I gave such a terrible explanation she now thinks babies come from eggs.