Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@KentWGraham: Can you imagine the reaction 20 years ago if you showed people a photo album filled with pictures you took of yourself in the bathroom?

@Dis0beyJay: *First Date*
Friend: Women like a little rebellion in a guy
Her: So, tell me about your day?
Me: I don't have to tell you shit

@bingowings14: Snail cop: So tell me about the sloth that attacked you.
Snail: It all happened so fast.

@jjhartinger: [Commercial for the Pogo Stick]

Have you ever seen the inside of an E.R.? Want to?

@FeverFlave: First date:

And if you could slide over a little bit my Mom would like to sit next to you...

@JRobb773: Life is full of lovely, unexpected surprises, like watching two pigeons attack this guy on the street for no reason.

@shkeeber: Me: *looking at pics* Cute! What breed is it? Looks like a Puggle

Co-worker: It's my daughter

Me: Yeah, they feel like family, don't they?

@k_lli: My calendar says I have 18 meetings left this week. Time to go lick Maria in accounting; she's coming down with flu.

@Bob_Janke: Sorry baby I can't open the car door for you you have to jump through the window. There's a price to pay for being cool.