Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@Browtweaten: *Game Character Treatment Center*

Counselor: Okay new faces, please tell us why you're here

Pac-Man: Binge eating

Lara Croft: Kleptomania

Ryu: *crying* I can't stop fighting streets

@CatsVsHumanity: When someone says "Idaho", I still respond by saying "Udaho!" and I will never stop.

@Simeogirl: I asked my 5 yr old if she wanted to help me make a cake and she said that she doesn't make cakes. She eats them.

Her face will be on currency one day.

@roboticcrab: *Death comes for me but is once again fooled by my false moustache*

@jergarl: [praying]

Please just send me a sign. Anything.

*Ace Of Base starts playing on radio
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LOL nice

@KylePlantEmoji: Me: so what does your husband do?

Her: he's a dermatologist

Me: pore guy :/

@RocketRankoon: [flops on the ground like a fish whenever I have to make a decision]

@ch000ch: You ever been talking to someone and go to lean on a wall that's like 3 inches further away than you thought

@KrangTNelson: [80% of bar rescue eps]

TAFFER: this employee stole $150,000 dollars from you, burned your car, and killed your dog. he says he would happily do it again. what are you gonna do?
OWNER:
TAFFER:
OWNER:
TAFFER:
OWNER:
TAFFER: you're going to fire him
OWNER: I'm going to fire him