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@batkaren: Like PAC-MAN before me, I too feel pursued by the ghosts of my past, consume mindlessly without end, and enjoy fruit.
@1MeLrO: I get my best cardio at the grocery store because I never make a list
And back to isle 3 and repeat
@steeve_again: Date: I usually go for the most annoying people possible
Me: actually I just listened to a podcast about that..
Date: *starts playing with hair* oh really
@TheAlexNevil: *House Hunters
“Greg and Tina have been looking for months. She needs a house that ‘flows,’ and now he longs for the sweet relief of death. Can they both get what they want?”
@Tired_Dad_of_2: I always forget that Justin Bieber is Canadian, and then I remember that one of his biggest hits was called “Sorry”.
@envydatropic: YES I HAVE HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE!!!! WHY DO YOU ASK?
@swedishsweets99: Cow stumbles into a pot field. The steaks have never been higher.
@AimeeHelene1: Me: I'm so fat...
Him: *rolls eyes*
Me: *rolls fat*
@Kateness8: [walking somewhere]
My cat: I’M GOING TO GET THERE FIRST!!
@junejuly12: I think I’ve convinced my sister that the new big thing is Diet Water, and now I can’t wait for her to order it when we go for lunch.