Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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@GianDoh: Bartender: What'll It be?

Stephen King: A novel at first, then a tv miniseries, then a movie.

@Loving_Life1996: Police: THIS IS THE POLICE, OPEN THE DOOR NOW

Me: Not with that attitude

@Donna_McCoy: Cosmetic surgery is a great way to spend your life savings and end up looking like a surprised owl.

@oakhillbargrill: I've been playing the blame game with my wife

I'm losing 1,227,456 to 3

@Pork_Chop_Hair: Him: Don't get your panties in a bunch.

Me: It's called a bulk pack, Todd. That's how Costco sells them.

@Rollinintheseat: I wish job sites ranked jobs by the level of human interaction you will have to deal with on a daily basis.

@FunnyTunes: Me : I have changed my mind.

Wife : Hope the new one is working.

@GingerHotDish: I sent my boyfriend a picture of my taco. Yeah, he was disappointed that wasn't a euphemism as well.

@Sean_Burgundy_: Sorry I swung from your chandeliers

It will happen again