Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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@Sanbel11: I'm holding my head high and my middle finger a bit higher.

@IamJackBoot: If you leave our home after a visit we will stand on the porch and wave until you drive out of sight because that's how we were raised, by maniacs.

@TheBoydP: I’m at the age I don’t remember it’s my birthday but my wife makes me feel better by reminding me I’m at the age I don’t remember anything.

@iwearaonesie: My grandfather built his house with his bare hands.

I just groaned after I put my shoes on because now I have to tie them.

@IvoryGazelle: Me: it’s not you, I just don’t like talking on the phone, I’m super awkward oh god, u think I'm weird for saying that don't u
911 operator: ma'am is he still stabbing u

@TheBoydP: I wanted to go see the Queen reunion concert but I am just a poor boy from a poor family...

@sisabet: I can’t stop thinking about what my sister took away from Endgame

@wendchymes: Told my teen “I love you” when I dropped her off at school this morning and she replied “Thank you”

So if history has taught me anything, she’s probably leaving me for another mom soon.