Funny Tweeter

@IrishVin: I love walking down the street smiling to myself. It really freaks people out. Especially if my trousers are round my ankles.

@Sweet_Me_73: Looking at graffiti on a bridge: Some people: that’s vandalism! Other people: that’s art! Me: how the hell did they get up there?

@Necropedophile3: Of course i like you. I like pizzas too, but i'm not gonna marry one.

@SumReecesPieces: "I need to talk to you." Has the power to make you remember every single bad thing you've ever done. Ever.

@bridger_w: I can almost always tell if a movie doesn't use real dinosaurs

@ariscott: If you ever see a movie where a woman is depressed and she has shaved legs that movie is bullshit.

@mayamanion: My 42 yr old friend is dating a 24 yo guy, she caught him cheating so she took away his play station for a week

@Douchekevin: Girlfriend told me she wants me to pull her hair , but apparently not while she's driving. Girls are weird.

@robfee: I have my hesitations about Paradise City if the first thing you brag about is the color of the grass.

@TheTweetOfGod: CNN just wondered if I'm sending disasters to punish you for your sins. No, I'm sending them to punish you for CNN.