@TheBoydP: Protip: Eclipse glasses are not cheap but if you wait until tomorrow you can get a really good deal on them.
@IamEveryDayPpl: Can't. I'm outside getting free lasik surgery.
@omgthatspunny: This is so cornknee
@bzamayo: Android Oreo announced today; you’ll be able to update your devices by the time the next solar eclipse comes around.
@Johngcole: Scientist: The eclipse will be just like this...
People: Wow, you were right.
Scientist: Now about climate change
People: Shut up egghead
@AdamBroud: Anchor:Actress Zooey Dechanel has murdered an entire town
Co-Anchor:Lol who murders a whole town
C:Haha America's sweetheart
@dril: broke secret sevrice guy turns his pocket inside out and strangles an assassin with it. opens wallet and unleashes a torrent of moths at him
@Cheles_G: Where does the army of the dead get insanely long chains to pull a dragon? Is there a Walmart north of the wall? #GameOfThrones
@JennnQuinn: Why is it when the sun blacks out on a Monday afternoon it's an "amazing natural phenomenon" but when I do it's a "problem"