Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@Sean_Burgundy_: Sorry I swung from your chandeliers
It will happen again
@Fried_Tweeter: Whoever named a pack of Hyenas a Cackle should name more groups of animals.
@sarcasticmommy4: My son asked for help with his math homework as we pulled into the school parking lot.
Then I laughed & laughed & told him to get out.
@amydillon: "Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, GUYS!"
@PhuckinCody: [walks into interview wearing light up Sketchers]
WALMART INTERVIEWER: whoa I didn't know corporate was coming
@AndrewChamings: murderer: i forgot all my murder weapons
me: i’ll wait
@AndyAsAdjective: *starts watching Top Gun*
*seriously hopes Goose doesn't die this time*
@chelseaperetti: "WHEN ARE U DUE?" WHAT DIFFERENCE COULD IT POSSIBLY MAKE IN YOUR LIFE AS A STRANGER AT THE GROCERY STORE
@dafloydsta: [girlfriend sleeping over for the first time]
HER: This is nice.
ME: You need to move to the couch. My dog sleeps on that side.
@nedprice: Always love it when Members of Congress say they disagree w/ intel community's analysis. Like having your plumber review your root canal.