Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@WhaJoTalkinBout: It's not so bad once you convince your kids that Santana is Christmas music.

@LuvPug: "I like your skinny jeans, are they new?"

No, I bought them 15lbs ago

@TheToddWilliams: FINANCIAL ADVISOR: What's your net worth?

FISHERMAN: Which one?

@krisv_723: Based on the noise, my neighbors cars is stuck in the snow. If the aim of my potato gun is correct he's gonna have a broken windshield too.

@Ygrene: [after getting beat up]
Girlfriend: I thought you were a kickboxer
Me: that guy was not a box

@earnestaugust: Oh, you don't have sex on the first date? How about on the last date?

@pixelatedboat: Ha ha, I love it when brands do sassy clapbacks to each other

@OakHill_: I learned a few things in Twitter Jail last night.

1. My wife's name

2. How to make a shank from a phone charger

3. I need Twitter

@jctwritesstuff: *rocks out at concert*
*holds up lighter*
*millennials scream*
*mass chaos, crying*
*I'm tackled*
*one old guy high-fives me as I go down*