Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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@GingerCaat: Frankly, I don't know how Jason and Freddy put up with all the screaming

@JRobb773: I'm a very honest person except when HR asks if I'm the one trying to weaponize the pigeons outside my office.

@AbbyHasIssues: I can't remember why I walked into this room, but if you need to know the phone number of my best friend from fourth grade, I'm your gal.

@LuvPug: Women don't mind compliments on their shoes from under a bathroom stall, it's when you ask to try them on that they get all weird about it

@wolfpupy: you couldn't be more wrong, i on the other hand could be far more wrong due to my incredibly vast stupidity

@WheelTod: Dating tip for ladies: some guys will be scared off if you don't wait until the third date before asking him to murder your husband.

@MelvinofYork: I just told my boss that "STFU" stands for "Sincere Thanks For Understanding" and it's REALLY important that none of you tell him otherwise

@david8hughes: [stargazing]
"It's amazing the activity you can pick up with a decent telescope [lowers kaleidoscope] absolutely amazing."

@WheelTod: Now kids have it easy. When I was young, the hot singles in my area had to walk the streets yelling they wanted sex with me thru a megaphone