Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

@mc_funbags: Grease is my favourite movie about how smoking gets you a boyfriend.

@Gooooats: My wife tricked me into marrying her by laughing at my jokes when we were dating.

@TheToddWilliams: KID: Where's grandma?

DAD: She's in a better place now

KID: Canada?

@nickwiger: This dude was just posed here when we drove by lmao

@JKickinit30: The perks of being single:
* not having to share the remote
* sleeping diagonal in bed
* never having to clear browser history

@thenatewolf: Snakes can't win. They use the sidewalk and everyone screams, they stick to the grass and they're playing into hurtful stereotypes.

@murrman5: my neighbour ryan: I was at a zombie walk we all dressup and walk around downtown
me holding an axe: I wanna believe you ryan I really do

@goatburgler: That’s just what I’d expect a pie full of spiders to say.

@t0m_t0m: “You’re like a brother to me”

First of all, I’m a Lannister