@Michael1979: Me: Ours was a love divine
I was yours; you were mine
If the stars would realign-
Teacher: This is POTTERY class. Poetry class is next door
@citizenkawala: [Plays air guitar]
[Dodges air panties]
@KentWGraham: I've carefully avoided a running injury all these years by never running.
@HenpeckedHal: Soaking the dishes overnight, or as I like to call it, "not doing the dishes."
@ShutUpThatsWho: [CPR dummy coming home from work]
WIFE: is that lipstick on your face? who’s been *does the air quotes gesture* ‘resuscitating’ you today huh?
DUMMY: for the last time Carol it’s my job
@PresTightrhymes: *showing friend my new place*
Me:(sitting)And this is my mocking chair.
Him:Don't you mean rocking chair?
Me:DoN't YoU mEaN rOcKiNg ChAiR?
@skittle624: It’s so unfair how the houses on HGTV get remodeled in 30-60 minutes, but my house is taking 2-3 months.
@NewDadNotes: Ginny Weasley: so like what are we?
Harry Potter: [slowly reaches for invisibility cloak]
@Shot_Of_Cabo: Pro: Learning another language increases your ability to communicate with more people.
Con: Learning another language increases your ability to communicate with more people.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: i rescue marijuana from the streets.