@GrandadJFreeman: *painting your nails* one hand : perfect. other hand : looks like a blind cat did it.
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@funnybeachgirl: "I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS!!!" (Seductively takes baby dragon out of Gucci purse & lights cigarette.)
@robdelaney: Maybe Van Gogh cut his ear off because someone traveled back in time and whispered a Drake song in it.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: According to Facebook, Sept. 11th is about posting as many pictures of crying bald eagles obscured by an American flag as you can.