@GrandadJFreeman: *painting your nails* one hand : perfect. other hand : looks like a blind cat did it.
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@underrateDad: My super power is picking up all the laundry in one arm then bending over for 5 minutes picking up that one sock that keeps falling out.
@DanMentos: [first date] me: they know me here date: *reading sign on wall* "No Puppetry"? me (proudly): I'm the reason they have that
@wittwitbarista: See that sad girl up on the hill with tears ? That's not me..I'm the one over there running away from a goose with a corn dog in my hand.
@thedayofthedot: there is nothing wrong with being nice, but there is something wrong with being nice to people.