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@mjkspeaks: *paints car camouflage*
*stops making payments*
@ahoytheboat: i wear my ninja turtles costume on all of my first dates just to weed out the weirdos.
@80want: inexplicably call ur boss "shortpants" until he gets insecure & buys pants that are longer. dont stop til he looks like a kid in dad clothes
@TheRolo: [Sees restaurant is packed]
*Pays hostess $20 to read note*
"Attn patrons there is a vintage yard sale across the street"
@IGotsSmarts: A lion would probably call a Kenyan runner fast food.
@LionJenkins: Autocorrect just changed "Selfies" to "Selfless" so I just took a picture without me in it.