@danjan13: Pancake in Spanish is panqueque, which translates back into English as *does raise the roof motion* bread whaaaat whaaaat
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@abbycohenwl: She: But WHY are you breaking up with me? Please tell me honestly. He (sigh): Ok It's...your "signature sex move" She: Judgmental Corpse?
@AbbieEvansXO: Hostage: [screaming] Mafia boss: hurry up and tape his mouth! Me: [still trying to find the beginning of the tape on the roll]
@LeBearGirdle: *Giving TED talk* Me: *points at guy* sir, reach under your chair! *he does and a mousetrap snaps* Me: trust no one *audience claps*
@imence2: Maybe the dinosaur extinction was a murder suicide by the T-Rex. If I couldn't jerk off because my arms were to short I'd kill everyone too.