@ChrissieM10: Pandas are proof that you can get fat from just eating salad.
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@iNusku: I've been taking my Flintstones' vitamins daily, but I still can't start a car with my feet.
@ojedge: Mobster: [tying a cinder block to my ankles] "You're gonna be sleeping with the fishes…" Me: "Umm, it's 'fish'." M: "This. This is why."
@ibid78: DISPATCH: we have a report of a robbery in progress four blocks from your current location HOT AIR BALLOON COP: I'll be there in 80 days
@Xoolun: Step 1 Change your wifi password to blowmefirst. Step 2 Wait for someone to ask for your wifi password.