@badbanana: Pandora has spoiled me. Five seconds into any conversation and I'm looking for the thumbs-down button.
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@RowdyBowden: Raggedy Andy knew he was becoming a man when he noticed yarn where there wasn't yarn before.
@gylertagan: [Property Brothers] Turns out all the electrical wires in this house are Twizzlers so we're looking at another $3000 added to the budget
@LoveNLunchmeat: If someone dies from laced cocaine, does the coroner write "devastating blow" on the death certificate?
@Reverend_Scott: BOSS: I set up a Suggestion Box. Please don't hesitate to- ME: [staring directly at boss while slowly stuffing cream cheese bagel into box]