@Underchilde: Panic rooms are a great way to protect yourself during home invasions or like if you forget your wife’s birthday.
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@jergarl: "You're an idiot." -My wife, after frantically looking around after I scream the word "HAY!" while pointing at hay for the millionth time.
@SteelCityDawn: A butterfly just landed on the tip of my cigarette & exploded.nWhat in the hell do they put in butterflys?
@_itspat_: There's been a rash of break ins recently involving teenage boys, so I switched out all the locks in my home with bra clasps.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: This woman got so offended when I asked if I could pet her son, like I'm the one who put him on a leash.