@WilliamAder: Panicked when I saw "Godzilla" was trending, until I found out there's a movie.
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@TheGladStork: Sorry I panicked and told your kids that Santa is able to visit every house in one night because he does meth.
@onion_an: Police chief: So what do we know about the serial killer? Detective: He's white Other detective: A muscular build Me: He kills people
@animaldrumss: Jesus: Those were the times when I carried you son Me: And when the vending machine ate my dollar? Jesus: That time you bought me a Snickers
@SteveKoehler22: When our kids were teenagers we moved; hoping it would help with family strife. It didn't work, unfortunately. They found us.