@JessicaVarsity: Pants are for people with something to hide.
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@cortronic: *looks up "how to disarm a bomb in 10 seconds" on YouTube* *ad starts playing* *looks up "how to disarm a bomb in 5 seconds"*
@Buncahn: [boy spreads his little arms] Boy: i love you this much daddy! Neil deGrasse Tyson: on a universal scale, that is an alarmingly small amount
@korryduke: Do you smell smoke? I always say that when I fart. It makes people take a deep breath.