@cortronic: *looks up "how to disarm a bomb in 10 seconds" on YouTube*
*ad starts playing*
*looks up "how to disarm a bomb in 5 seconds"*
@CaniacMONK: I'm at my most brilliant when the door says "pull" and I don't believe it.
@Buncahn: [boy spreads his little arms]
Boy: i love you this much daddy!
Neil deGrasse Tyson: on a universal scale, that is an alarmingly small amount
@korryduke: Do you smell smoke?
I always say that when I fart. It makes people take a deep breath.
@itchyturtle: Dating tip: surprise your date by being a giraffe
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