@LimeyTheGreat: Panty-less waxed woman hanging off a bridge "I'm gonna jump into that canoe". Me: "No that's your reflection".
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@hazelmotes1: "I missed you so much!" I shout as I run past my wife's open arms and jump into my bed.
@dlsims01: A woman always gets the last word in an argument, because anything a man says after that is the first words in a new argument.
@envydatropic: I've been on my best behavior ever since the words "you can be charged as an adult" applied to me