@distracdad: Paper plates were invented by a guy whose wife asked him to do the dishes once.
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@MasterOfFury: I'm not stalking you. I'm trying to help you find that sock that you dropped behind the door before you left for work Wednesday at 7:04.
@TheBoydP: *spins in circles* *dies* *gets stuck in corner* *dies* *spins in circle* *dies* [Me playing Call of Duty with my son]
@laurajaylovette: Can you imagine how awkward it would be if your pet went on your phone and found the 1000s of pictures you have of them sleeping