@AlanHungover: Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame that they'll never meet...
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@ClichedOut: Me: You look amazing with glasses. Her: OMG thanks Me: *removes my glasses* But not so much without.
@doktorj: Damn boy, are you the black jelly bean? Because I absentmindedly picked you, and now I regret having you in my mouth.
@poizngrl: The difference between kids waking you up and an alarm clock, is that you can throw the alarm across the room