@MarcusTheToken: Parallel parking reality show. Get on that.
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@BrianHDot: Chinese Food: $16.72 Gas to Get to Restaurant: $1.94 Getting Home and Realizing They Forgot One of Your Food Containers: Riceless
@Smug_Lemur: Hello, pest control? Yes, I have these noisy little critters. They got into the snacks, made a mess of the place and keep calling me mom.
@underchilde: As a father, I would refuse to give my daughter away at her wedding on the grounds that I would have to be there.
@AlanFelyk: Her: I’m done with you and everybody who looks like you. Me: What did Wilford Brimley ever do to you?