@MarcusTheToken: Parallel parking reality show. Get on that.
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@zacharyflynn: Hey babe i wanted to marry you but i had to ask your dad first and he said yes so i guess i'm marrying your dad
@TuffyNyC: My ear is bleeding because I tried to shave it. Now I have to create some elaborate lie to tell ppl how I cut my ear.
@terio1429: Library charged my Visa $15.60 for my son's lost Dr. Seuss book. Teri got mad oh yes she did, Teri got angry and grounded her kid.
@iamkevinito: Last night my wife got pissed because I kicked the ice cubes I dropped under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.