@RowdyBowden: "Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!" - The Very Civil War
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@SirEviscerate: "Since you both claim to be this infant's mother, we'll cut the baby in half." OK. Sounds reasonable. "Y...uh, alright then. Let's do this."
@KevinFarzad: "I have $50, less than an hour, and a ton of cocaine. Let's make a commercial!" - every furniture store owner