@RowdyBowden: "Pardon me. Might I murder you with my musket? Yes? Excellent news, kind sir!" - The Very Civil War
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@TEXASVETERAN: A hooker once showed me her dollar menu. Her meat actually did resemble McDonald's.
@aPunch2theJunk: HAVE SOME FUN WITH YOUR LIFE: Whisper "You should have killed me when you had the chance" to the person in the bathroom stall next to you.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Charlie Sheen's herpes have herpes and those herpes have gonorrhea and that gonorrhea had an abortion in high school.
@esbeeback: Now I have 2 accounts a friend suggested I retweet myself when I'm bored. Sounds like my sex life at the moment