@TheAlexNevil: Parent Tip: don't tell your child "I'm waiting, I can wait all day if I have to" unless you've actually cleared your schedule for the day.
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@PyrBliss: The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that's not a risk I'm willing to take.
@amishschool: Me teaching Wilderness Survival Class: "OK EVERYBODY WATCH CAREFULLY AS I DRIVE *AWAY* FROM THE WILDERNESS."
@AnOrangeSNES: [Restaurant] Waiter: Compliments of the chef. *He opens silver platter and post-it notes with the words 'You're beautiful' pour out*