@sarcasticmommy4: Parenthood has taught me that you can ruin someone's day by asking "did you brush your teeth?"
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@topaz_kell: The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation.
@TheMichaelRock: According to these Father's Day gift sections, all dads are clean shaven business men that love playing golf and think they're #1.
@ClichedOut: GENIE: the rule is u can't wish for more wishes ME: i wish to amend the rule so u can GENIE: son of a