@LoveNLunchmeat: Parenthood is where you spend 18 years saying no all because of that one critical time you said yes.
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@GrandadJFreeman: If robbers ever broke into my house and searched for money, I'd just laugh and search with them.
@Brianhopecomedy: My mother-in-law said that we should stay an extra day if it's too snowy to drive. SOMEONE LEND ME A SALT TRUCK.
@jordan_stratton: WIFE: I thought you said you were going to the gym. ME: [playing Pokémon Go] I've been to like 3 of them today. What are you talking about?