@LoveNLunchmeat: Parenthood is where you spend 18 years saying no all because of that one critical time you said yes.
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@causticbob: I saw a sign that said "Watch for children" I thought to myself "That sounds like a fair trade"
@sarbeaaaar: MY DENTIST ASKED HIS ASSISTANT TO SUCTION (THE WATER OUT OF MY MOUTH)BUT I THOUGHT HE WAS TALKING TO ME SO I SUCKED HIS FINGER. IM MORTIFIED
@NicestHippo: [meeting a couple at dog park] "BARK BARK!" GF: He's usually not like this [pulls me aside] GF: Stop yelling bark bark at those nice people